


Fight or Flight

by yourlocalplant



Category: Hermitcraft RPF
Genre: Gen, Haha angst go brrr, Songfic, basically grian has a bad time, i don't know how to tag, no happy endings here, permadeath because ANGST, send help, so does scar, who the heck gave sam a knife?, yhs flashbacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:35:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25864453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourlocalplant/pseuds/yourlocalplant
Summary: It turns out, Grian has more trauma than he's letting on. Scar finds this out the hard way.
Relationships: Charles | Grian & GoodTimesWithScar, None
Comments: 16
Kudos: 165





	Fight or Flight

**Author's Note:**

> Heyo, this is my first time publishing on Ao3, so I hope I did alright! This was my submission for an angst writing contest on a discord server I'm in, and I'm finally reposting it here. I've never actually seen YHS, so all my actual knowledge of that is based off of a thirty minute caffeine-fueled trip through the wiki, and the rest I made up! It's also the darkest thing I've ever written- have fun with this one!
> 
> TW for blood, injuries, flashbacks of torture, slightly suicidal thoughts (no actual self-harm though), swearing, toxic friendships, and character death.
> 
> (I highly recommend listening to the song Birds by Imagine Dragons while you read this, it's not a songfic exactly but it REALLY helps set the mood)

"Here we are, in all it's glory, the Grian Mansion." Grian made a grand gesture, presenting his base's final form to his neighbor and best friend, Scar. The sunset over the cliff gave it a beautiful backdrop, making it look even more majestic than it did, even though the front face of the build hadn't changed much in the last few months.

"Wow." Scar stood there in shock, taking it all in. The wizard was an amazing builder, but he focused mostly on the landscape and surroundings. This, all by itself, was just unbelievable. "And how many hours of sleep did you sacrifice for this?"

"Yes." Grian gave Scar a cheeky shove, before pulling him inside by the loose lavender sleeves on his wizard robe. "C'mon, it's so humid out in the jungle, I'll have to take you on a tour!"

"You still have those giant doors intact, I see." Scar teased. Both of them knew the real reason why Grian's doors hadn't been touched of course, but pretending to have no clue was a fun game to play between them sometimes.

Grian shrugged. "I guess they couldn't fit in the door thief's hideout. Seems like I'm going to be safe from them this season."

He took Scar through the halls, showing him every little detail, from the villager hall, to the maps on the wall. Each room was carefully thought out, and it would've been a perfect evening hangout between friends, if not for the stifling heat from the candelabras and lavish fireplace in the central room.

And the consequence that followed afterwards.

Grian wiped the sweat off his brow, his sweater sleeve falling down in the process. Quickly, he pulled it back down to his wrist, his heart automatically wrenching as it always did when these close calls happened. There was a reason why Grian still wore long sleeves in the heat of the jungle, or under Mumbo's campaign t-shirt.

But this time, he wasn't quick enough. His friend had seen all that he needed to.

Scar's hand flashed out like lightning. He grabbed hold of Grian's arm, bringing it into the candlelight to see. The fire cast a whole new perspective, revealing what Grian always kept hidden- the jagged scars running across his skin. 

"Grian! What the hell happened? Oh no, you didn't-" Scar's face went ghostly pale, and Grian tried in vain to pull his arm back. The wizard held on.

"No, wait, I didn't do that to myself- and they're old anyways." Grian said, his mind reeling as he tried to let his gaze wander anywhere but at the wounds that were already all too familiar to him. _Don't look down._ Grian squeezed his eyes shut for a few seconds, opening them up only to see that Scar's grip on his hand still hadn't released.

Scar's expression was something Grian couldn't place. Pity, disappointment, frustration... There was even a bit of disbelief etched on his friend's face. Grian winced.

He shouldn't have to feel like this. He knew Scar well, they were best friends. And best friends should trust eachother. But this time, Scar didn't.

"Grian. Tell me what really happened, or I won't be able to help you otherwise." Scar demanded. Grian's eyes prickled with tears, but he blinked them away.

The iron grip on his arm did not remedy the situation, in fact, it made it a million times worse. Grian could almost feel the ghostly presence of a knife there, tracing skin away as it tried to draw information from him, only succeeding in drawing blood.

"I told you, Scar! They're just from ... something ... that happened a long time- no, a lifetime ago. Way before Hermitcraft!" Grian insisted.

"Don't you trust me?" Scar asked, his voice going dangerously quiet. Grian could've been reading too much into this. But a certain chain of memories were already resurfacing. "We're best friends, you shouldn't be keeping secrets like this! It's not healthy!"

"If you trusted me ," Grian gasped, yanking away from Scar's grasp. "Then you would understand this is something I need to keep a secret. Trust is a two way street! And anyways, none of it is even important anymore," he added the last bit as an afterthought.

Grian had barely had a single thought of his own origins after joining Hermitcraft. It was an ugly beginning. He'd done a lot that he'd regretted. Witnessed things nobody should ever have to see. Grian had known killers, and had almost become one himself. Needless to say, blocking it out was not easy. He'd constructed an entire barricade to keep the memories away. Stored his past a locked vault, and threw away the key.

But Grian had succeeded, for the most part. The other hermits hadn't seen that dark side of him. Until now.

Grian turned away, clutching his arms close to his body and leaving to stand in the corner of his mansion. He hid his face. The tears were threatening to fall. _Crying was a sign of weakness , he reminded himself. You cant cry, or they'll think of you as a target. You have your reputation, and you have friends with a reputation to protect as well. Showing weakness would only solidify all your places at the bottom of the hierarchy. It will get you killed._

No, wait- he was in Hermitcraft. Not that place.

"-Grian!"

He snapped his eyes open as he turned to look at Scar. Instinctively, Grian jumped back a few steps. "Grian! You know all the stories behind my scars. So just tell me yours!"

Grian's vision disfigured, as if he was looking through an out-of-focus lens. The blood pounded in his ears in sync with his heart thudding in his chest, and his hands shook uncontrollably. "I- can't- Scar, I can't!" Grian took a ragged breath, pushing past the threat of tears, to get just one sentence out. "Yours are different. They're from normal stuff-like mobs. Or Head Games fights. The kind that is just for fun, between friends. Real friends ..."

"So you're telling me someone actually tried to permakill you! What the fuck, Grian, why haven't you told any of us? We could help you! Or did you lie before, were you the one-"

Grian shook his head over and over nonstop. He was crying uncontrollably now, the exquisite furniture and lighting fixtures in his mansion reduced to nothing but a messy blur. "No! No..."

"You don't have to be scared anymore! Just tell me. You've mentioned Evo before, is that it?" Scar received no confirmation from Grian. He continued rattling things off, guessing and guessing at the roots of Grian's trauma. _He had to help him._ And if Grian wasn't going to let him know what happened...

"Tell me!"

"Sam! Stop it!" Grian yelled, standing up and shoving him away with all the strength he could muster. He instantly recoiled from the outburst, realizing his mistake. "No, Scar, I meant Scar. Shit..."

Scar rubbed his head, feeling a bruise already start to form from hitting a support pillar. He brushed that off. "Sam? Who's he-no, wait a second. I remember you saying something about him being an old friend of yours. And you think I'm him?!"

Grian couldn't meet Scar's eyes. "I told you, it's not important."

"You said I was nothing like Sam, Grian. And I'm not. You know you trust me."

"I thought I trusted you. But I also thought I trusted him- Sam- and look where that left me. L-look where that left Tau- No, no! I can't- I can't start..." Grian burst into tears, tracing his scars lightly with his finger. There were even more than Scar had noticed at first. He could only imagine where they were from. No player, not even him, could naturally be that clumsy. The wounds might've been old, but Scar couldn't let this go without dealing with it first.

Had Sam done this to Grian?

"Grian. Just tell me where you got all those fucking scars! There's no way that's natural, and you can't just keep things from me like this!"

Grian tried to fabricate a response, but his words failed him. He wasn't there anymore, he was somewhere and sometime else, long gone from the safety of his own mansion. He slowly tuned out Scar's words, hearing only the wind outside, and the sounds of his own crying. The yelling in his head.

~ + ~

_"Tell me!"_

Chilly wind blew past Grian, whistling in his ears as he caught a glimpse of the city below. The streets of Tokyo were bustling as always, but somehow they were too busy to notice the scene happening atop this particular school rooftop. An interrogation about to go wrong.

It was early fall, the beginning of Grian's final year in this horrible place. Him and Taurtis called it hell. Strangers who were lucky enough not to attend called it Akedemi High.

A knife was pressed to Grian's neck, held in place by the smiling boy in front of him, clad in a bloodstained uniform. Sam. But Sam's smile wasn't normal- no, it was too wide and bright. Cruel. Sadistic. Insane .

"I told you! I don't know where Taurtis is, he could be anywhere by now!" Grian held his breath, trying to keep a poker face. Lying to Sam, especially went he went crazy like this, was a dangerous game. Trying to manipulate the villain never worked out well, especially when the villain was insane, sly, and had the equally cunning daughter of a mafia boss on his side.

The knife pressed closer to Grian, the cold metal touching right against his neck. Thank god it was just the blunt end, but Grian knew Sam could kill him in a matter of seconds if he chose to. He prayed to himself, _don't break now._

"Tell me, Grian." Sam smiled with certainty, knowing Grian would have to break eventually. Sam could break him. "Where is Taurtis?"

_He escaped from a library window. The hinges were loose, Sam, and your plan to force the school into lockdown wasn't quite as foolproof as you hoped. I boosted Taurtis out of there before you caught me. He escaped, Sam, you won't get both of us this time._

"I- I don't know!" Grian continued to play dumb, knowing that it was the only thing keeping him alive. Sam shoved him back, and Grian felt his knees hit the stone 'safely wall' at the edge of the roof. As if it would help him now. It was high enough to keep someone from tripping by accident and falling three stories into the streets below, but anyone could be pushed. Or jump over.

It was too easy.

"Now now Grian, we're best friends, aren't we? You, me, and Taurtis. And best friends don't keep secrets from eachother." Sam coaxed.

Grian stayed silent, wishing he had his communicator with him. But Yuri, Sam's even more screwed up girlfriend, had snatched it from him during his grade's lunch period a few hours ago. 

He figured this was an attack pre-planned between the two of them. The final showdown, after their years of friendship had slowly become more and more twisted.

"Fine! I see how you'd like to play my game, Grian. Well then, if you're reluctant to tell me where Taurtis is yourself, I'll just let Yuri find him on her own. She's bound to eventually, I don't remember Taurtis ever being good at hide and seek when the three of us played together! "

 _Yeah, back when you weren't a murderous psychopath intent on killing everyone who's ever wronged you. Well good luck with that Sam, he's already long gone._ Grian bit back his bitter thoughts. No use in putting them into words, when all that would do was seal his fate.

"Now, let's see, what can we do to pass the time? I know- perhaps I'll try to get the answer from another game!" Grian was about to ask what Sam meant from that, but then the pressure of the knife was suddenly off his neck. He gasped, finally catching his breath.

And then it was on his wrist, digging into the skin. The sharp end. Grian screamed out of sheer pain, and it was a miracle- for Sam, at least- that the sounds of rush hour and the howling wind blocked out every single noise from that high up in the air.

"What the fu- Ow! Stop! Sam, what the hell is wrong with you-" Grian's arm was bleeding, and even though the cut wasn't nearly deep enough to kill, it still hurt like hell. It was the first time either, Sam used to do this to him and Taurtis sometimes. It was all a joke, Sam said.

"Are you ready to talk yet?" Sam asked. Grian shook his head, and Sam mirrored the cut on the other arm, then further up, right below his elbow.

Grian almost let Taurtis's location slip, than caught himself. He couldn't do that. But the pain was getting to his head. It was too much...

"He's gone." Grian finally spat. He opened his eyes, glaring into Sam's crazed ones. "You're not going to find him. Now go ahead and kill me, I know you were going to anyways."

"He left us? But I thought the three of us were friends..." Sam's smile turned upside down, but there was nothing genuine about his supposed sadness. "Where did things go so wrong, huh? I thought we were just going to live our normal lives in high school, and now you're lying to me? Grian, I thought I could trust you!"

_'Normal' ended a long time ago, Sam. And I should never have made the mistake of trusting you. I should've escaped this hellhole with Taurtis a long time ago._

Grian's fight or flight reflexes kicked in. He tore away from Sam's grasp, and the knife went flying. It fell off the side of the building, clattering to a stop all the way down on the sidewalk. Grian whipped his head around, looking down below. The streets were crowded. Smog filled the air, and the autumn leaves had been blown around, scattering all about.

He sized up the jump. It looked to be about thirty to forty feet. Thirty feet, Grian was fairly sure he could survive. Forty would almost certainly kill him.

But he never got to choose.

"Alright Grian, this was your choice. Let's see if you can fly, then!" Grian heard Sam laugh. It was a cruel, cold sound. Nothing like the warm and friendly one he remembered from the good old days.

There were no elytras to carry him away, nothing to cushion the fall. It went faster than he'd ever imagined, faster than media always made it seem. He felt hands at his back, and the next thing he knew, he'd already hit the ground with a dull thud. Every part of Grian's body throbbed, and his mind felt fuzzy.

_Screaming pedestrians... cars honking... I think they've seen me now... I think they're stopping..._

"Someone call an ambulance, I think this kid just-"

_I can't think... I can only feel... it hurts a lot... I guess I can't fly after all, Sam. You've gotten your answer. I hope you both get what you deserve... and I hope you're okay, Taurtis..._

"Holy shit, did he jump?"

"No, look, there's a guy up there, get him!"

Everything was fading, Grian couldn't focus on the individual shouts of everyone any longer, the sounds became fuzzy. He vaguely felt himself to be loaded onto a stretcher, before passing out completely.

_...was this the end?_

~ + ~

"Thirty three." Grian whispered, sobbing as he felt himself returning back to the present. He tucked his head between his knees as he sat on the mansion's cold tile floor, a violent storm raging in the background. "It was a thirty three foot dro-drop, I made it, I made it through and I-I was safe..."

Grian continued muttering those words to himself, trying to calm down. He was a wreck. The hyperventilating sobs only came to him stronger than before, much like the rain that had begun to fall in the jungle. The sky felt his trauma, and it was crying. It never ceased.

"Grian, please... what's going on? What in the world happened to you before Hermitcraft?" Scar's voice held nothing but care and concern, but Grian heard it differently.

"No- you're- you're just like him! I can't tell you anything!" he shrieked. Again, Scar noticed how different his friend looked from his usual bubbly self. Seeing the scars, and knowing that there was some kind of horrible story behind them, made him see Grian in a whole different light.

It made him see the dark circles under his shining blue eyes, and the tears held within them. It forced Scar to realize why Grian always kept his sleeves rolled up, and why he always shied away from people at first. It got him wondering how many of these panic attacks Grian had endured on his own.

And his heart broke for his friend. Hell, Scar would understand completely if this was why him and Grian barely interacted last season, until he was sure Scar wouldn't hurt him.

But he just had, hadn't he? He pressured Grian until he snapped. Scar caused this... maybe he was almost as bad as this Sam guy after all.

"Just go away." Grian said, standing up and dragging Scar through the now cold halls of his mansion until he reached the grand entrance. He silently begged Scar, eyes red and puffy, to not be stubborn this time. If Scar truly wanted to help, he was going about it the wrong way.

"Grian, no! You need to talk to someone, please, I can't help you if you don't let me." Lightning flashed outside, followed by a loud rumble of thunder that even shook the almighty mansion. Scar looked worryingly at the skies outside. During Grian's panic attack, it had started to rain hard.

"I don't want your help anyways!" Grian shouted. "I just need to talk to Tau- I mean, Mumbo, or someone. Someone I can trust."

And then, silence. The words stung Scar more than any attack, more than any accidental near-death experience ever could. Even the rain seemed to stop for them.

"Fine. If you won't go, Scar, then I will."

Before he could react, Grian's elytra was already opened, and he was flying off into the jungle canopy, in the general location of Mumbo's tower. Within seconds, Grian was out of sight.

That didn't stop Scar from shouting after him. "What? In this weather? Grian, you're not alright, please, come back!" 

Grian never heard. He never payed attention. All that he had to do was fine someone he could talk to and be safe with. Grian saw the magical village practically glowing underneath him through a sheet of rain, and he almost swooped down there out of habit, before catching himself. He couldn't land there anymore.

He fired another rocket, heading back up towards the stratosphere. The village was Scar's home... at the very least, he would need time to cool off before staying there again. Right now, all it served as was a gruesome reminder of Sam.

_Let's see if you can fly, then!_

The rain poured around him. Thunder was crackling, and Grian could barely see a foot in front of him. Suddenly, a branch was falling in front of him. With lightning reflexes, Grian swerved and got out of it's path, avoiding what would've been a sure death. He caught a glimpse of the smoldering stump where the giant branch used to be suspended from, and instantly recognized it as part of Iskall's omega tree of doom. Nothing else in the jungle could ever compare.

Good. It meant he was almost at Mumbo's. And that was when disaster struck. Both figuratively, and literally.

~+~

Scar woke up in a haze that morning, his head cloudy and his body sore. He could barely remember last night. All he recalled was searching for Grian. Then reluctantly heading back to his jungle sanctuary, once he realized nobody should be out flying that late, in a storm no less.

He felt a pang of guilt that he couldn't help Grian, but Scar understood that he needed space. He wouldn't have been very much help anyways, not after his and Grian's argument.

He shuddered, remembering how Grian had compared him to Sam. It had to have just be a spur-of-the-moment thing. Last night, Grian was already stuck in the past and panicking, and Scar didn't know how to help him. It resurfaced a bad memory. That was all.

And by now, all of the anger and frustration had surely faded. At least it had on Scar's end. The concern was still there, but not as prominent as before. Yes, Scar cared for his friend, but the other hermits did as well. Grian was in good hands, staying with Mumbo.

Still, Scar knew he should at least check up on the other hermit. And so he typed a somewhat lengthy message into his communicator, then tucked it away to go make breakfast and get ready.

_GoodTimeWithScar whispers to Grian: hope you're doing better, Grian. what happened is my fault, i didn't know how to deal with what you were feeling. but i promise i'll try to help you more in the future, if you'll teach me how. our friendship means a lot to me, i hope you know that! :)_

He waited. While Scar was doing his daily tasks- getting ready, doing the gardening, trading with his villagers, and re-stocking the plant monster shop, he waited. He smiled to himself. Grian was probably enjoying a long sleep-in. He didn't start getting worried until much later. The sun was high above and it was the warmest hour in the jungle, just after noon.

Grian still hadn't said anything. Maybe he was still angry at Scar? Scar knew he'd messed up, but he also knew Grian was a good person. He would hold grudges, but only if the person had truly earned his hatred. Scar hoped he didn't fall into that category.

_GoodTimeWithScar whispers to MumboJumbo: is grian up yet? or is he finally catching up on his non-existent sleep schedule? lol_

He waited.

_MumboJumbo whispers to GoodTimeWithScar: Why would I know? I thought you were his neighbor this season._

_GoodTimeWithScar whispers to MumboJumbo: but he went over to your base late last night, didn't he?_

_MumboJumbo whispers to GoodTimeWithScar: I don't think so, mate. Unless he crashed here without me seeing him._

_GoodTimeWithScar whispers to MumboJumbo: did he message? please, i'm getting worried, Grian had a major panic attack last night and flew away before I could stop him._

_MumboJumbo whispers to GoodTimeWithScar: During the storm? There was a short power outage, nobody would've seen any messages pop up immidiately like normal. But I can look now, if you'd like!_  
_MumboJumbo whispers to GoodTimeWithScar: No... This can't be right._  
_MumboJumbo whispers to GoodTimeWithScar: Scroll up now, I have to be seeing things, this can't be true!_

Scar bit his lip, scrolling up as fast as he could go in the shared chat, without his dyslexia getting in the way of picking out Grian's name. He scanned the messages, looking for anything important enough to spike Mumbo's attention. And then he saw it.

_Grian was struck by lightning._

Scar dropped his communicator in shock, feeling hazy as he scrambled to the workbench to sit before he passed out. _No... no..._

His vision grew blurry with tears and his body numbed as he picked up the device and reading it over and over. As if it would change when he read it enough times. Grian never made it to Mumbo's base last night, it seemed. He was dead.

"I'm sorry." he whispered, though nobody but himself and Larry were listening. "I'm sorry Grian, I fucked up, I'm the reason you're... gone. You're gone now. I can't..."

Scar felt his nails digging into his palms as he curled his fists so tight he thought the skin would break. Like Grian's scars. He should've just left Grian alone, given him his quiet support instead. Scar couldn't help but run through the events over and over in his mind.

 _This was his fault,_ he thought to himself. _I'm worse than Sam was. At least Grian survived Sam._

He ignored the non-stop buzzing of the communicator. Mumbo must've told the others about the permadeath situation. Grian's permadeath. That you caused, Scar. But he couldn't bring himself to read it, not when the news had barely settled in.

"I'm sorry." Scar choked out another sob, his voice barely audible as he tried to block out the thoughts about the future. A future without his best friend, something he never thought he'd have to face.

"Fly high up there, Grian."


End file.
